8/23 Blog #3: Tell Me More

I used the "Tell Me More" technique with four separate people.  I used it on two females, and two males, all in my general age range.  For the sake of anonymity, I will call them F1, F2, M1, and M2. 

F1 is a fairly close friend, so the fact that we have "told each other more" before now did not seem all that unfamiliar.  As she went on explaining something that was happening to her, after she stopped, I tried the technique, and she kept kind of laughing, but then went on.  She seemed a little surprised that I was so interested, but not too much.  Nothing felt too uncomfortable.

F2 is a friend who recently came out of a 3 year relationship, and I talked to her on the phone.  My end of the line was a continued stream of tell me mores.  If I was going to impart something, I made sure it had substance, because I generally wanted to hear her thoughts on everything.  She told me it was the first time she had said some of those things because it was the first time anyone had kept asking her.  Typically, people would hear something, try to say something vaguely helpful, and that would be all.  Asking her more and more let her keep on talking.  It seemed very positive.

M1 is a close friend.  Fun fact, he was the other end of the relationship I previously mentioned.  Basically, it was a lot of the same, but I have known him longer, so it felt even more natural for him to tell me these details.

M2 is a friend, but far from a close one.  We don't know most of the details of each others' lives.  I tried the technique with him.  The first try was met with "...and that's it." Upon asking if anything was new in his life, he was very short.  Another person asked about his personal life, and about a new girl in it, and he seemed to deflect.  I persisted a little more, and he responded with a somewhat grotesque story of personal hygiene.  It seemed to be another deflection, so I gave one more serious attempt at Tell Me More.  This time, it worked.  He explained why he was short about it, and that he just didn't feel comfortable with that girl.  He felt a little shame regarding the relationship, but he told me about it.  It was more than I had ever heard him say about his personal life.  After that, it felt right to go back totalking about baseball.  I wish he would have asked me more.