Taking Out "But"

In a dialogue over a specific topic, there is typically room for agreement and disagreement.  When people hear “but,” they only hear that side. 

Every weekend, after the Chiefs play, my friend and I discuss the game. “Jamaal Charles ran very well, but he needs to get more touches.  Thomas Jones is a good counter-point, but he is too old to be the focus of the offense.  Matt Cassel threw pretty well today, but you can still tell he kind of sucks.” In all of these situations, it was easy to feel a little down about the game.  Even though the Chiefs were winning, the discussion led us to reflect mostly on the flaws, the mistakes, and the buts.  It was as though the point of the discussion was not to discuss the merits of the game, but was instead to admit positives in order to point out negatives.  If a person uses “but,” when legitimately trying to discuss merits, they almost immediately lose half of the argument.  Loaded interjections make it seem like the truth is about to be said, and the rest of the sentence was meaningless prologue.

In negotiations, language is critical.  Sometimes “but” really is meant to give the impression that the coming, post-but alternative is the truth, whereas the preceding comment means little, if anything.  If there is a true positive and a true negative, “but” cannot come up.  No buts, howevers, or any other language that could mitigate one side of the argument.  This is why I don’t think it is a good idea to just change the which part of your sentence comes first. “But” always accentuates something.  This also indicates that if you want to emphasize one side of an argument, BUT is useful. 

See:

The assembly staff is doing well with the order, but there are problems with the manufacturer. (Negative)

There are problems with the manufacturer, but the assembly staff is doing well with the order. (Positive)

If you want to give the positive impression, giving the bad news first is the way to go.  Giving an equal approach has no room such interjections.

There are problems with the manufacturer.  The assembly staff is doing well. (Just facts, even if one precedes the other.)

It is important to try to limit your language, but you should also consider the impact of body language in accidentally creating emphasis. (Note: are you focused on body language now?  It would make sense with the transition I made using the word “but.”)  Body language and tone can probably convey the same message, so a respectful demeanor combined with a lack of buts will lead to a conducive negotiating environment.